Tomato, ToMAHto

So, tomatoes are my favorite food. As such, I only eat them in their prime. Which, here in B to the more is August. Namely nearly my birthday (August 19th. I will be 30. Am scared) week. So, why are all of my tomato plants full of GREEN tomatoes? We have some flowers and some tiny tomatoes but nothing ripe. Well. We have had 2 ripe tomatoes since June (both now in quotes "Early" Girls) and one in June (yellow pear) and nothing else. For all of June/July we pretty much had zero flowers so at least these flowers speak of potential but we are going to Belgium for a little over a week in early September and I have horrible thoughts that they are all going to ripen then. Is it in bad taste to ask the neighbors to pick my tomatoes and then hold them for me? We have like 10 heirloom varieties I am dying to eat. This summer was supposed to be the summer of tomatoes, not the summer of suck. Le sigh.